Therapy
by Ryan Phelan
Summary: My first KP fic! Dr. Drakken and Shego attempt to discover the root of their problems.


Disclaimer:  Kim Possible is owned and copyrighted by Disney.  I would not dream of taking credit for anything other than this story, which I wrote.  Me, not Disney.  Just try to disprove it!!!

Therapy

By Ryan Phelan

"We'll see you next week, Larry," Dr. Jensen said as he waved his latest patient out of his office.  He shut the door and returned to his desk to finish his notes.  _Patient continues to experience delusions,_ he wrote._  He still believes we are all just fictional characters in the mind of a real person.  If condition does not improve soon recommend hospitalization._

"Dr. Jensen?"  The intercom squawked.

"Yes, Marianne?"

"Your two o'clock is here.  A Mr. Drakken and…"

"DR. DRAKKEN, YOU FOOL!  I didn't spend 200,000 dollars in grad school to be called mister!"

"Oh, give it a rest!  No one cares!"

"Silence, Shego, or I'll…"

"Send them in, Marianne," Dr. Jensen interrupted.

The door slammed open and a blue-skinned man stomped into the room, followed by a young woman in a black and green cat suit.  The argument was still in full swing.

"Or you'll what?  I'm still waiting here," Shego snapped.  "Don't use that split second interruption as an excuse to drop it."

"Don't push me, Shego.  Do you know what happened to the last person who pushed me?"

"You bored them to death with endless rants about your pathetic childhood?"

"You think you're soooo clever, but you're not!"  

"Excuse me," Dr. Jensen said.  

The feuding pair spun around and faced him.  "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"  They both screamed.

"I…I want to talk!"  Dr. Jensen replied.  "You came to me, remember?"

"Ah, yes," Drakken said.  "You're going to solve the problem I'm having with my latest take-over-the-world device!" 

"Uh…no," Dr. Jensen replied.  "I don't know anything about that.  I'm a psychiatrist."

"Oh, right," Drakken said.  "Sorry, force of habit."

"That's quite all right.  Why don't you two sit down and we can get started."

Dr. Jensen motioned towards two chairs.  Drakken and Shego sat down and glared at each other.  Dr. Jensen sat opposite the two of them.  "Okay, why don't you tell me what brings you here?"

"Well, I'm here because Dr. Drakken insisted I come and he signs my paychecks," Shego said.

"We're here to find out why I haven't taken over the world yet!"  Drakken snapped.  "A man of my genius should be King of the World by now!"

"I think James Cameron already has that title," Dr. Jensen said.

"WHAT?"  Drakken cried, leaping out of his seat.  "HOW DARE HE USE MY TITLE!  I WILL DESTROY HIM!!"

"Easy, easy!"  Dr. Jensen cried.  "I was making a joke!  There's no need to destroy anyone!  Please sit down."

Drakken looked at Dr. Jensen intently for several moments, and then sat down.  Dr. Jensen sighed inwardly.  _Patient Drakken is extremely tense, he wrote.__  Do not use jokes as an icebreaker.  Do not use jokes, period._

"What are you writing?"  Drakken said.  "Something about me?"

"Oh yeah, like everything's about you," Shego snapped.  She turned to Dr. Jensen.  "He is the most self-centered person I've ever met.  All the years I've been working for him I never once got a thank you."

"I'm an evil genius trying to take over the world!  I haven't got time for such inane pleasantries!"

"Some evil genius!  You're constantly being thwarted by a cheerleader!"

"ME?!  If I had a nickel for every time Kim Possible has kicked your butt I could BUY the world by now!"

"People, please!"  Dr. Jensen cried.  "Let me catch up here.  Who's Kim Possible?"

"She's this do-gooder who is always interfering with my evil plans," Drakken sighed.

"And she has lousy fashion sense," Shego added.  "I mean, a black top and cargo pants?  That is so last century."

"All right, let's talk about Kim Possible," Dr. Jensen said.  "You say she always defeats you.  Why do you think that is?"

"Because I'm surrounded by incompetents!"  Drakken snapped.  "My henchmen have the collective intelligence of Spam, and Shego is always second-guessing me!"

"That's because he makes stupid decisions!"  Shego snapped.  "Like whenever we have Kim Possible trapped, he stops and tells her all about his plan!  This gives her time to escape and defeat him!  You'd think he'd have learned his lesson by now, but nooo!  And you should see him when he loses!"

"All right, Shego, that's enough," Drakken said sharply.

"He sulks and pouts and stomps around the hideout like a big baby," Shego continued.  "Sometimes I feel like a babysitter instead of an evil henchman!"  

"I see," Dr. Jensen said.  "Dr. Drakken, how does that make you feel?"

"Like firing a certain disrespectful employee," Drakken growled through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, I'd be real nervous if you didn't threaten me with that every other day," Shego replied, rolling her eyes.  

"Okay, there's obviously a lot of tension between you two," Dr. Jensen said. 

"Well, duh," Shego said.

"So I want each of you to think of three things you like about the other person," Dr. Jensen said.  "Go ahead.  Do it right now."

Dr. Jensen watched as Dr. Drakken and Shego sat quietly, deep in thought.  After a full minute he spoke.  "All right, Dr. Drakken, why don't you go first."

"I'm not ready yet," Drakken said.  "Shego, you go."

"I'm not ready yet either."

"That's okay, take your time," Dr. Jensen said.  "Let me know when you're ready."  He leaned back and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After ten minutes, he spoke up.  "Okay, I think…"

"Not ready yet!"  Shego snapped.

"That's okay!"  Dr. Jensen said quickly.  "Why don't you just tell us what you've got."

"Well," Shego hesitated.  "I like that Dr. Drakken bathes somewhat regularly.  That's not very common in a weirdo with an abnormally high IQ."

"And I like that Shego possesses some degree of intelligence," Dr. Drakken said.  "Most people have tans because it makes them look healthy and desirable.  Shego, however, is aware of the health problems caused by overexposure to the sun and wisely stays as pale as a ghost."

"Oh, you want to talk about health?  Let's talk about your health for a minute," Shego snarled, balling her fists.

"Why don't we try another exercise," Dr. Jensen said quickly.  "I want to do a role reversal.  Dr. Drakken, you be Shego and Shego, you be Dr. Drakken."    

"That's easy," Shego said.  She puffed up her chest.  "Shego, I want you to steal some fancy microchip for my latest take-over-the-world scheme.  I'm a genius yet I always have to steal something or kidnap someone to make my plans work.  Now go steal that chip!  I'm too important to put my butt on the line, so I'll just let you take all the risks while I yell at you!"

"I'm Shego," Dr. Drakken said.  "I'm smug and arrogant!  I'm not smart enough to take over the world so I just criticize my brilliant, misunderstood boss!  I'd go out with him in a minute if I wasn't so intimidated by his fetching good looks and strapping…"

"ALL RIGHT!  I think we should save the fairy tales for story time at the old folk's home!"  Shego snapped.  "Given your success rate that's where you're going to end up."  

"All right, that's enough," Dr. Jensen snapped.  "You two are the most combative people I've ever met!  You blame all of your problems on each other and have nothing positive to say!  If there is any hope for this relationship, you need to find a common ground!  Can you do that?"

"Well…" Dr. Drakken said.  "We both hate Kim Possible."

"Yes!"  Shego exclaimed.  "That snooty little debutante really needs to get over herself."

"She thinks she's all that," Dr. Drakken said.

"But she's not!"  Shego said.  They both laughed.

"Shego, we might not get along," Dr. Drakken said.  "But we have the same goal.  Take over the world!"

"And get rid of Kim Possible!"

"Yes!  So let's get to it and sort out our New World Order later!"

"Right!"  

Shego and Dr. Drakken stood up and went to the door.  "Thank you doctor," Dr. Drakken said.  "I feel so much better.  In fact, I might even pay for this session!  Send the bill to the evil lair at the top of Craggle Cliffs."   

"But don't hold your breath," Shego muttered.

"Wait," Dr. Jensen said.  "Could you just tell me how you found out about my practice?"

"A Dr. Marin recommended you," Dr. Drakken said.  "We held him hostage last week.  Nice fellow."

"Oh, okay.  Well, thanks for coming by, and good luck," Dr. Jensen quickly crossed the room and opened the door.  Once they were gone he sighed deeply, then went back to his desk and sat down.  He took out his notepad.

_Memo to self_, he wrote.  _Cross Dr. Marin off Christmas card list._

THE END   


End file.
